by Elizabeth Billies
Summer is almost here; can you believe it? What should be a fun, carefree time for kids can be sad, stressful and full of anxiety for divorced or separated couples and their children. Navigating the summertime as a divorced couple can present unique challenges, especially when co-parenting with an ex and managing various schedules of separate households. But do not fear! Here are five tips to help you sail smoothly into this summer season:
Plan ahead and prepare to be flexible. If you have a custody order or written agreement, use it to work with your co-parent to create a summer schedule that reflects your regular schedule during these summer months. After you have mapped that out, discuss and agree on dates, times, and any potential modifications well ahead of time to avoid conflicts and confusion. Recognize that summer schedules need to be more fluid due to vacations, family events, or other commitments. Be willing to adjust the schedule to accommodate each other's requests within reason. Think ahead when deciding to say yes or no to a change. Remember, saying no to something your co-parent wants may result in them denying your special request at some point. Flexibility and cooperation go a long way in reducing conflicts and promoting a healthy co-parenting dynamic.
Prioritize the children's well-being and communicate effectively. Open and effective communication between divorced parents is important all year long, but it's crucial during the summer. Keeping each other informed about any changes in plans, travel arrangements, or activities is vital. An easy way to do this is to use a shared calendar or a co-parenting app such as Our Family Wizard, AppClose or Talking Parents. These communication methods help ensure that you and your co-parent are on the same page and provide a record in case of a disagreement or miscommunication. Focus on what is best for the children and prioritize their needs. Consider their preferences and interests when planning activities, camps, or vacations and/or saying no to something your co-parent requests. Doing this will ensure that you create positive experiences and memories for them during their summer break.
Collaboration and consistency are essential. Collaborate on sharing the responsibilities and expenses associated with summer activities. Discuss how costs for summer camps or extracurricular activities will be divided if this is not contemplated in your child support order. Maintaining fairness and transparency can help avoid disagreements. And while summer often brings a more relaxed schedule, try to keep some consistency in the children's routines. Consistent bedtimes, mealtimes, and household rules can provide children with stability and a sense of security.
Be supportive, and remember to take care of yourself too. Encourage the children to spend quality time with both parents. Support their relationship with the other parent and avoid making negative comments or using the children as messengers between households. Healthy co-parenting also means taking care of yourself. Self-care is vital for both parents during the summer. Make time for relaxation, pursue personal interests, and recharge yourself. Taking care of your own well-being will allow you to be more present and attentive to your children's needs.
Seek professional help if needed. If co-parenting conflicts become overwhelming or you need assistance navigating the summer as divorced parents, consider seeking the guidance of a family law attorney, mediator or therapist. These child custody experts can help facilitate communication and provide strategies for effective co-parenting.
Remember, the ultimate goal is to create a positive and nurturing environment for your children, even in the midst of a divorce. By following these tips and prioritizing the well-being of your children, you can make the summer season a rewarding and enjoyable time for everyone involved.
If you have co-parenting or family law questions, don't hesitate to reach out to a member of our family law team or contact the office directly at 215.362.2474.