Back To School Co-parenting Best Practices
September 3, 2021 • By Inna Materese
The beginning of the school year can be a hectic time for parents, under the best of circumstances. Under pandemic circumstances? Well, the stakes are most definitely raised.
Stressful Times and potentially conflict -ridden dynamics are not just a thorn in the side of parents subject to custody order. Most importantly, conflict surrounding the return to school can be detrimental for the children at the center of these spats. After all, if parents can’t come together on important and day-to-day decisions regarding the return to school this year, it’s the kids who are potentially left in limbo.
To avoid potential stalemate, especially as the Delta variant of COVID-19 continues to rear its ugly head, parents in custody circumstances should consider these five best practices for coparenting success at the start of the school year:
1.) Communicate Early, often, and openly about your level of health related concern. It is true that we are now about 18 months into a national health crisis that has impacted every facet of our lives. Though COVID-19 and its varients continue to present challenges, it is important to consider that many of us are encountering “Covid fatigue“. Some parents continue to be hyper vigilant about Covid exposure and environmental contacts they deem to be unsafe for their children. Others believe most encounters to be safe. It is important for parents to communicate about their personal feelings regarding appropriate levels of exposure and contact for their children. Consider CDC guidelines, school protocols, and the level of comfort on both sides of your child’s family. Frank discussions about school year expectations and concerns can stem many school-related conflicts this year.
2.) Knowledge is Power. Does your school have a plan four virtual learning? Are there protocols for extracurricular activities in place? Does your child want to participate in certain activities that fall on either parents custodial time? These are important questions to answer early in the school year. Collect as much information as possible and share it with your coparent. Exchanging this information with your coparent ensures that you are both equally educated on the subject and can make cohesive choices for your collective family
3.) The Devil is in the Details. In my practice I most often get calls from frustrated parents at the beginning of the school year regarding logistical issues. Issues like: who is actually going to take our child to swim practice? How is she going to get home from theater rehearsals? What if I need a babysitter to pick up my child from school? What do I do if my child’s extracurricular activity falls on my night to have a dinner visit with her? Many parents simply assume their coparent will take the same logistical approach as they do. Do not make this mistake. It is important to work through these logistics with your coparent to establish a smooth school year routine for your family.
4.) Show Me the Money. Discussing money can be challenge in general, but it’s likely all the more challenging in our post-pandemic times. Many parents are still rebounding from financial hardships suffered during the pandemic and pandemic-related employment issues. Others may have seen little to no impact to their bottom line based on Covid work impediments. These financial issues add an extra layer of emotion to typically run-of-the-mill decisions regarding sports, extracurriculars, private school tuition, tutors, and the like. The travel baseball team make have been financially feasible pre-pandemic but not affordable this year. SAT courses may have been agreed upon 18 months ago but now a little too pricey. The cost of school supplies, extracurricular activities, even back to school clothes shopping can become a subject of sore feelings and resentment where one parent feels like they are shouldering the majority of the responsibility. Consider setting a back to school budget that both parents will stick to or divvying up necessary expenses to ensure a smooth transition for your child.
5.) Know the Lay of the Legal Land. If you run into a snag on school related issues, it’s important to know your options. What’s the post-Covid procedure in my county’s family court system? How long will it take for me to get a resolution of this issues in Court? What alternative dispute resolution options, such as parenting coordination, are available to me in my jurisdiction? Keep in mind that the wheels of justice can be slow moving. Speak with a family law attorney if you believe a possible issue is on the horizon so you can make educated and strategic decisions for the benefit of your child.