Coronavirus & Child Custody: 4 Tips
March 23, 2020 • By Elizabeth J. Billies
You can’t turn on the news without hearing the words coronavirus of COVID-19. While other countries have been dealing with this virus, the United States is now very hard hit by the pandemic. Schools are closed, people are working from home and major sport and music events have been postponed.
While there is no question that the coronavirus is affecting major events, it is also affecting our everyday lives. And, if you are divorced, there is no question that it is going to affect your child custody arrangement. Here are four tips for dealing with your child custody issues in the time of the Coronavirus:
Have a plan if your child’s school or childcare is closed;
Make sure you communicate with your co-parent about scheduling changes;
Consider what you will do if you, your co-parent or your child gets sick with the coronavirus; and
Be patient and flexible with your co-parent and your children.
1. Have a plan if your child’s school or childcare is closed.
Are you in a situation where you must go to work but your child’s school or daycare is closed? Are you a healthcare worker or essential government employee? What if you just need to get some work done while you are at home and you aren’t sure what to do with your kids?
First, check your custody agreement to see if it includes a provision about who is responsible for the children if they are home from school due to an illness or school closure. When I prepare my custody agreements, I always make sure that I include an exchange time for each weekday and not just leave the exchange as “after school.” Here is an example of this: “Father shall have custody of the children on Wednesdays after school, or if there is no school, 9:00 a.m.” This way, if there is no school, dad knows that he is to get/be responsible for the kids starting at 9:00 a.m. on this day.
But, what if you don’t have that language in your custody agreement or order? Then you need to improvise.
Here are some options for modifying your custody schedule during the Coronavirus.
Whether you like it or not, you are going to have to speak with your co-parent and make some decisions together. If both of you are home from work, this is easy. You can likely still follow your regular schedule and each of you can have the children on your regular days. You may still need to communicate with your co-parent on when that “day” starts if it is not clear in your custody order. Hopefully, because this is an emergency and temporary situation, you and your co-parent can work this out with little strife.
But what if only one of you is home from work?
If only one of you is home, then perhaps you should consider modifying your schedule temporarily to have the children stay with that parent so that they can watch them during the day while the other parent is working. This may be particularly prudent if the working parent is employed at a place where they have great exposure to the coronavirus. While he or she may be upset to be away from the children during this scary time, it is more important to limit their exposure to this virus. Remember, this is a temporary situation.
What if you don’t want to change your schedule or don’t think it’s necessary? If that is the case, then you can go to the home of the parent who is home instead of taking them to school or daycare. You are keeping the same custody routine, just taking your children to a different place during the work day.
I write this article based on the current state of the country. We may get into a situation where you have to “shelter in place” or you don’t simply feel comfortable shuttling your child
back and forth between houses. If this becomes the case, I again urge you to communicate and work with your co-parent to resolve this issue without looking for the Court to provide guidance.
The Courts in our area are closed. Will the judges treat your issue as an emergency? Maybe. Maybe not. While you may not think that your co-parent is being “fair,” it really isn’t about that at this point. It is about the safety of your children. You can always work out make up time after this pandemic has passed.
What if you both you and your co-parent must work?
If this is your situation, then it is likely that you will need to rely on extended family to help during this time. For example, I have a case where both parents must continue working during the coronavirus outbreak. They will likely be relying on grandparents as the children’s school and after-school childcare is closed for at least two weeks.
What if you don’t have any family that can help?
Don’t have any extended family in the area who can care for your children? You and your co-parent will need to either (1) decide who is in a better position to stay home or (2) hire a third party to watch your children during the day. Many colleges are closed and teachers are out of work right now. Perhaps hiring one of them could solve your issue!
Again, working together and communicating is key here. While you may wish to speak to your ex as little as possible, now is a time when you need to work together to take care of your children.
2. Make sure you communicate with your co-parent about scheduling changes.
Are you the parent in charge of your child’s schedule? Do you RSVP for the birthday parties and sign them up for baseball? This isn’t uncommon. Usually one parent is the planner and is responsible for telling the other parent when and where the child needs to be after school and on weekends. Can you relate?
In addition to school and work closings, your children’s extracurriculars and social events are likely cancelled or modified as well. For example, did a birthday party get cancelled because we are supposed to be practicing social distancing? Is that swim meet postponed to May?
Make sure that you keep your co-parent up-to-date on these modifications. Nothing creates more frustration than hearing about changes last minute, coronavirus or not.
A great way to do this is to use a shared calendar or consistent method of communication. If you are using Our Family Wizard or another co-parenting app, make sure that you put all changes on the shared calendar as soon as you can. I would also suggest sending a message through the app noting the change. This is a hectic time and the other parent may simply miss it without that additional notification.
3. Consider what you will do if you, your co-parent or your child gets sick with the Coronavirus.
While I certainly pray that neither you nor your families become afflicted with this virus, the numbers seem to be against us. So, what should you do if a member of your family gets COVID-19?
First and foremost, follow the directions of the CDC regarding treatment and testing. Second, if you believe that you or your child is sick, let your co-parent know ASAP. If you have shared custody, your co-parent has the right to be involved in the medical decisions regarding your children. This would include taking them for coronavirus testing and treatment.
In addition, if you or your child tests positive for the virus, it is likely that your co-parent will also need to be tested or, at a minimum, self-quarantine. Again, follow the medical experts in this regard. However, I would think this would also likely apply to anyone who lives in your co-parent’s household as well.
This is not a time to keep medical information to yourself. In addition, sharing this information
with your co-parent is likely required under your custody order/agreement anyways. No matter how much you may dislike your ex, they need to know what is going on during this time.
4. Be patient and flexible with your co-parent.
No one knows what is going to happen. We’ve never been through something like this before in our lifetimes. So, the more you can be patient and flexible with your co-parent during this outbreak, the better it will be for yourself and your children.
Are you feeling anxious or afraid? Chances are your children are too. It is important that you and your co-parent display a united front and keep things as stress-free and normal for your children as possible. Fighting and panicking will not do them (or yourself) any good. I would also suggest that you and your co-parent talk to your kids about what is happening and reassure them as much as possible. Plan some fun activities while school is out of session. Make some family memories. The less added stress the better for everyone.
What should you do now?
Everywhere you look there are recommendations for what to do to prevent and/or treat the coronavirus. Here’s what to do to make sure that this outbreak doesn’t cause added stress for you, your co-parent, and your kids:
Make sure that you and your co-parent have a plan for who will care of the children if school is closed or travel is limited;
Let your co-parent know about any cancellations or postponements ASAP;
Have a plan for what you will do if you, your co-parent or your child gets sick with the Coronavirus; and
Be patient and flexible with your co-parent to reduce the stress on your children during this scary time.
We wish you all care during this time. Stay safe and, most importantly, wash your hands!!!