Tips On Navigating The Holidays As A Co-Parent During COVID
October 28, 2020 • By Inna Materese
For parents working within a balance of a custody order, the holiday season can be an extra stressful time. In addition to readying themselves and their families to celebrate the holidays, parents involved in custody litigation must also plan for enumerable logistics and, let’s face it, possible frustrations involved in sharing holiday time with an ex.
Sharing holiday time can be tough in any year. Sharing holiday time during a pandemic can cause friction in even the most conciliatory of co-parents. Parents exercising physical custody not only have the challenge of avoiding COVID exposure for themselves and in their homes, but also limiting exposure that may take place during the other parent’s custodial time. For this reason, holiday celebrations in either parent’s home that include visits with extended family, large family gatherings and indoor celebrations may raise tensions this year.
Here are some tips to help you navigate holiday celebrations for your blended family in this COVID world:
Communication
While open, frequent, and timely communication is generally of utmost importance in effective, it is all the more important when planning your 2020 holiday season. Communicate with your co-parent now about your expectations and goals for the winter holidays, including your children’s time off from school. Remember that both parents may have family traditions that are hard to pass up. Discuss with your co-parent your concerns, your intended plans, and proposed parameters for celebrations in both homes. Remember that your co-parent’s perspective on this sensitive topic may differ from yours, particularly if the other parent is of a different religion and/or culture.
Knowledge Is Power
For many families, holiday celebrations may include church, synagogue, and or other religious community events. They may also involve volunteering or other community functions. While these are important and often critical pillars of our family and community life, the fear of exposure can be worrisome for some parents. Find out what you and your co-parent’s religious communities and other community social networks are doing to limit COVID exposure in an effort to ensure all members of the family can enjoy safely. Speak with your co-parent if you have any concerns.
Set Ground Rules
Keep in mind that you, your co-parent, and likely your children have expectations and sentimental attachment surrounding the holidays. It’s hard to deviate from your typical traditions during an important and family-oriented time of the year. If you or your co-parent are concerned about exposure to COVID via traditional celebrations, try to set ground rules for appropriate contact and protocols with others during this time. For example, you may wish to propose that both households and anyone either of you may see during the holidays, self-quarantine for a period of time immediately preceding the celebration to limit exposure. You may wish to have both sides of the family follow proper mask wearing protocols during their celebrations. Others may agree upon limiting family celebrations to a certain number of people. Setting ground rules that apply equally to both homes can help ensure your kids have a consistent and healthy holiday season.
Think Ahead
No one wants to add “go to court” to the holiday to-do list. However, sometimes impulses cannot be over overcome. If you are truly concerned about an issue regarding your children’s holiday plans, the time to get it addressed is now. Remember that legal mechanisms may be slow-moving, particularly during the holiday season. Consider whether there are holiday-related custody disputes on the horizon now so that you and your attorney have enough time to get the issue addressed before the impending holiday. This is particularly important if your or your co-parent’s holiday season celebrations include travel and pre-planned vacations.